NIRBHAYA... WHO??

“Nirbhaya… Who?”

I never quite understood why they called her ‘Nirbhaya’.

Nirbhaya… ‘Fearless lady’… that’s how the title honours her and that’s how most of us know her. All of us, mostly influenced by illusionistic social and mass media, have paid her tribute as one extra-ordinary soul who fought life bravely and embraced death fearlessly. But let’s, for a moment, be real and think, did she really?

When those lecherous stares tore through her eyes, did she fight them back with a fearless gaze? When those beastly claws ripped her clothes, did she hold herself up with a fearless grip? And when those degenerated monsters took turns to take her virtue and destroy her body and soul forever, did she still feel fearless in her nerves to face what was coming?

Nobody can know for sure, but my weights are on ‘No!’

She probably pleaded for mercy, cursed them for not having any, resisted in her defence, screamed in excruciating pain and cried in hope that it may help the pain… All fruitlessly…

I am not saying that she was scared. That’s because during her last moments, conscious or unconscious, she must have been too much in pain to know either of fear or courage. If she could feel anything other than pain, it must have been misery… a long, never ending, deep despair of having been victimised by her fate; her ruthless… brutal fate…

People like to find glory in tragedy. I prefer to see the truth. The harsh truth that I see here is that glorifying death doesn’t take away the dread out of its reality. Death might be the ‘ultimate journey to the unending’ for the saints and the monks; death might be the ‘ultimate badge of honour’ for the martyrs; but for a 23 year old young woman who hopes to return home after watching a movie, death by gang rape is nowhere close to what can be regarded as ‘a fearless battle’ with life.

Nobody deserves such death, not even the rapists themselves. I believe that she deserved to live, even after all the inhumane atrocity that she was met with, she deserved to live. But when she ended her journey so tragically, they said that she left for a much better place; that she was really a brave lady to face a death like the one she did. I, however, wonder if she herself believed so... If given her a choice, would she have chosen to stay back in this heinous world instead? Would she have chosen to die some other way, some other time? Or would she have believed that she’ll indeed find a better place after death? Although I would like to believe that she had a will to live and that it wasn’t just the modern medicine that kept her heart beating for those 12 dark days and 13 agonizing nights; I have no means to find out whether, given a choice, she would have chosen to live the rest of her life with an astounding courage or to end her life there and then at that moment. Because had she had chosen to live with her head held high, I would have bowed low to her spirit and called her ‘Nirbhaya’! and yet, in reality she and we were left with no such options.

Giving her such title when she was unconsciously breathing on her death bed doesn’t give her death any kind of an affluence let alone glory. I understand that the title was given to conceal her identity for some legitimate reasons. I also understand that this title insures that she is remembered and not pitied; because life of pity after death of misery is just worse than the worst. And yet, I do not understand how, calling her Nirbhaya was going to pump valour in thousands of women in the nation, who were only made to fear the world even more after this incidence? How was it going to threaten hundreds of men in nation, who went on to rape and gang rape young girls and women in even more unimaginable ways?

Today, 2 years later, we are left with numerous candle light marches, one Nirbhaya act and a number of rapes and gang rapes, too large to mention. Much has been said on what should be and should not be done to make this order ‘effective’ in order to establish ‘order’ in the society. Now, I am not a defeatist to comment despondently upon topics like ‘justice to Nirbhaya’, ‘Nirbhaya Act’ and ‘women’s safety in India’.  In fact, I appreciate all the small steps that have been taken, to ensure that such incidences do not happen again, irrespective of their effectiveness. I find it rather applaudable how her family has started a ‘Nirbhaya Trust’ to give courage and support to all the frightened women who have nobody for help.

 I, however, find it completely and right down to the core, bizarre whenever I hear/read statements in media about how ‘Nirbhaya’ is a standard bearer to Indian women and how she was a brave-heart who lost her life giving hope to many such tortured souls across nation. Let’s just say it the way it is. She was a victim… an unfortunate young woman who died a gruesome death. If her case has symbolised anything then it’s the shameful state of degraded mindsets of Indian society. Her death sure shook the nation and brought in a wave of anguish, grief, protests and demands of change. Her death sure will be marked in our history; but it will definitely not be something to feel proud about for our descendants. Furthermore, although it’s ‘her’ story, in this entire story, she can neither be the Hero nor the Villain, and she wasn’t the Coward either! She can neither be praised nor be blamed. Then what’s the logic behind such sensational name?

There are many out there who have faced degradation, assaults, atrocities and what not.. Still living, trying to find help, trying to find hope and self-assurance... Many died, too. Their stories are no better. Let’s be realistic, and stop sensationalising a death by gangrape, not out of disrespect to Jyoti but because that’s the only real way to look at it. She should be remembered, sure, but not with a name that isn’t her name and which makes no sense whatsoever. The name only creates an illusion of inspiration, without the power of hope.

Lets just call her Jyoti… A flickering feeble flame… Enlightening, while she continued to burn the oil and frightening, as she suddenly quenched into nothingness, letting herself and everyone else overcome by darkness…

Sounds bitter and sadistic, but at least it’s much closer to the reality, isn’t it?